


Glimpses of Titans

by Inwen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-30 17:06:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1021223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inwen/pseuds/Inwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levihan week prompts, as I get to them...the first one actually got done relatively on time, no promises for the rest. Hope you enjoy as they are posted!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blurry mornings

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 1: Vision

The morning sunlight is creeping across the old floorboards in Hanji’s room, peeking under the curtains as they blow in the breeze from the open window. The air is comfortably warm, the summer weather just barely having started to fade. She is lying in bed, snuggled underneath her sheets and blankets, lightly snoring in her sleep. Behind her, her sleeping companion is nestled cosily. Levi’s shorter stature could be damned, he enjoyed being the big spoon; and as such, his arm was wrapped around her midsection, their legs tangled together and his breath warming the back of her neck.

Although both soldiers can feel the approaching dawn, neither wishes to be the first to open their eyes. It has become somewhat of a morning ritual to see who will wake first. Levi loses most mornings, Hanji being a much heavier sleeper than himself. Slowly, the sounds of a bird singing outside the window begin to penetrate his sleep addled mind, and cause the first flutters of his fingers at her waist. 

Feeling the warmth of the sun’s rays on his eyelids, Levi buries his face further into the darkness of Hanji’s hair. Pulling her more closely against him, he uses her warmth to help lull him back into the land of sleep.

Her own sleep having been disturbed by all the movement behind her and the incessant bird singing below her window, Hanji’s own eyes begin to flutter. The harshness of the light trying to penetrate her cracked lids is almost blinding and she squeezes them shut hoping to hold out a little longer. Snorting her dismay, she wiggles around in Levi’s arms enough to turn and slide down the bed so she can wrap her arms around him and bury her face against his chest.

Now fully awake from all of the shuffling they are both partaking in to avoid the harsh light of day, Levi groans his displeasure and brings an arm up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Slowly, blinking and feeling the slumber lift from his body, Levi opens his eyes. The vision before him is one he has woken up to many times before...Hanji having rolled him onto his back, now settled with her face buried into his chest and her rats’ nest of hair sticking up in all directions. His right hand travels up her back to tangle in her hair, fingers running through it, combing it down where he can. The process of waking up has now begun.

“It feels so nice when you do that,” Hanji murmurs as his Levi’s fingers scratch against her scalp before brushing through her length. “Such a perfect way to wake up in the morning.”

“Shame the favour is never returned,” Levi points out with a tug at the end of his motion.

“Not fair, you always wake up before me anyways,” Hanji accuses while she begins to stretch her length along the bed, arms coming up and then crashing back down across his torso violently.

Wincing, the smaller Lance Corporal whacks the back of her head. “Oi! Watch where you flail those monkey limbs!”

Pushing up onto her arms to hover over him, all Hanji can really see without her glasses are a lot of blurry features, but she can tell he is scowling at her. “Oh Levi, it’s much too early for that pouty face,” she teases, leaning down, and aiming the best she can with her limited vision, she kisses Levi on the nose. Realizing she has missed her intended target, she smoothly covers by then kissing each cheek before going for his lips.

What was meant to be a simple good morning peck begins to escalate before Levi realizes what he’s done. After catching a whiff of her morning breath he quickly pushes her away. “How I fall for that time and again is really starting to piss me off,” he growls. “Seriously shitty-glasses, brush teeth then kiss. I swear to god you just invaded my mouth with thousands of micro-organisms you developed over night.”

Giggling at his pretentious cleanliness, even in moments of romance, Hanji flops back down on the mattress beside him. So much for that idea. “I think I have a meeting this morning with Erwin to go over my Titan research, so I shouldn’t linger too long,” she sighs.

“I remember. I have training this morning with the new recruits,” Levi runs his hand down his face trying to further wake himself up.

Rolling over to face him, Hanji gazes into his eyes. Blurry though he might be, his eyes are always bright enough to draw her in.

“So I won’t see you again until tonight then?” She inquires.

“Not until dinner it would seem,” he casually brushes the hair from her face and tucks it behind her ear.

“I wish I could see you better in the morning without my glasses,” Hanji muses while she enjoys the caress of his long fingers.

“And I wish that that the world wasn’t full of Titans so we wouldn't have to get out of bed at all,” Levi rolls onto his back, stretches, and then proceeds to push out of bed. “But alas, here we are, so find your glasses and get your ass moving Squad Leader, as your commanding officer is surely awaiting your report in his office already.”

Hanji watches as Levi’s blurred image moves about the room, starting his morning rituals and snuggles into the warm space he has left behind in the bed they share. She’ll get up, when she’s kicked out of bed as Levi leaves to start his day. For now, her eyes begin to drift closed once again.


	2. Ritual Purification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 2: Purity  
> This one I had little inspiration for, so hopefully it doesn't suck. I tried?

It became a habit very quickly. After every mission Levi returned to the Scouting Legion’s Headquarters and went straight to the shower. It became part of a ritual that developed directly as a result of his first excursion; whereupon he returned to base covered in the filth of Titan slaying and his comrade’s blood. Although he was a prodigy at killing, Levi discovered early on that it was not a skill that allowed one to keep their hands clean. After his first foray into the outside realm had resulted in his entire self being covered in debris, and after he had witnessed the decimation of his squad, it became a necessity that he seek out the purification that a hot shower and a bar of soap offered.

The routine became once of meticulous precision. Once within the privacy of his own room, he removed his 3DMG gear and placed it by his bureau; he then extricated himself from his harnesses and laid them out on desk. Lastly, he removed all of his clothes, folding each item carefully and placing it on the bench at the end of his cot. All of it would need to be cleaned separately once he had washed himself.

The shower itself needed to be scalding hot in order for him to feel clean. Levi relished the force of the hot water sluicing over his face and through his hair, washing down over his shoulders, and over the muscles of his back. It was a familiar comfort that he always looked forward to, especially after difficult missions where they lost many lives.

Unfortunately, there was no way to rinse the troubles from his mind, or scrub the guilt that stained his soul, but the water, the scalding, pure, clean water, always did its job to take away the dirt and grime.

It wasn't long after becoming a part of the Scouting Legion that Levi discovered that other soldiers didn't share in his pleasure of ritual cleanliness. One such particular person was the now Squad Leader Hanji Zoe, and she was arguably the filthiest person he had ever laid eyes on. After years of being in the scouting legion together, when they had struck up a certain rapport and camaraderie, it was then that Levi realized that she partook in her own rituals after missions; seeking her comforts in the arms of other soldiers. Naturally, she wasn't the only one; it was a solace that a large amount of the military participated in. Levi had just been so focused on his own coping mechanism it had failed to register with him until he and Hanji had begun spending more time together.

It wasn't until after a particularly difficult expedition beyond the walls, sometime after the fall of wall Maria, that they realized that all of their banter and razzing was actually a form of affection. Upon returning to headquarters, while Levi took his leave to partake in his usual ritual of purification, Hanji felt no shame in following him back to his room to see what he was up to. Levi had never shared with her his reasons for why he was a clean freak, and despite her natural curiosity, she hadn’t asked him about it up until this point. However, now that they had embarked into new territory with their relationship, Hanji felt it only prudent to investigate.

Upon entering Levi’s room, Hanji saw that he had everything laid out perfectly. His room was so neat, and so clean it was hard for her to tell anyone lived in there at all. Levi was fortunate though, being Humanity’s Strongest soldier had afforded him one of the coveted rooms with its own adjoining bathroom. And the steam emanating from the crack in the door told her he was enjoying said perk now. Not wanting to be alone after returning from this last arduous mission, Hanji decided that she would join Levi and see what comfort she could offer.

As Levi stood under the water, scrubbing at dirt that had long since run down the drain, he was surprised to feel strong arms wrap around his midsection, and to feel a woman’s bare torso pressed against his back, her face nuzzling into his neck as the water beat against his chest. At first he was shocked, and wasn't really sure how to react to the intrusion, but upon recognizing the familiar scars and fingers that could only belong to Hanji, Levi relaxed into her embrace. 

This was a process he normally went through alone, the solitude a part of the routine; but the longer she stood there, just embracing him, the less foreign and overbearing it felt. Rather, it felt welcome. It felt right to share this moment with Zoe. The heat of her body along his back, her steady breath against his pulse, it was reassuring, and it felt good to let both of their troubles wash down the drain. 

Tilting his head to the side, Levi rubbed his cheek along her forehead. No words need to be exchanged, they were both there, both participated in the battle, and they both watched as their comrades fell or were devoured by Titans. They had both survived, either by their own cunning, skill or luck. Instead, they just stood together, embracing each other as the water flowed over both of their bodies, washing them clean, relaxing the tenseness in their muscles from the fight, and purifying them so that they could face the outside world once again.

After a short period of time, Levi finds he is able to pull away from Hanji and turn her into the water. Making her kneel down so that he can wash her hair and scrub her scalp. He massages her shoulders and takes extra care to wash every groove in her fingers. He takes his time washing her from top to bottom, hopefully making her feel as clean as she looks.

Once the water has run cold, they exit the shower and wrap themselves in their standard issue towels, slowly making their way back into Levi’s room where they dry off and Hanji slips into one of his shirts. It’s too short, and she slips her underwear back on as well before climbing into his bed. Levi pulls on a clean pair of underpants and climbs in beside her, for once forgetting everything else he has yet to polish and scrub. 

As they lay facing each other in the darkened room, Hanji strokes her fingers through Levi’s damp hair. His eyes are as somber as ever, but he also looks at ease. The water has calmed his mind; the soap washed away his shortcomings on the battle field. When he takes her hand in his own and places a kiss on her palm before he moves in and lays his head upon her chest, Hanji is surprised to say the least, but pleasantly so.

And so begins a new ritual, where after each mission they return to Levi’s room together, remove their gear and clothes and find their way into a hot shower. Hanji rarely remembers to bathe on weekly basis, but when the Scouting Legion suffers losses, she knows that Levi will need her to partake in his ritual purification. It helps them both in the end, when they find their way into each other’s arms in the aftermath of a troubling day. Something that not every soldier can lay claim to. Being with Hanji helps Levi stay connected to his fellow soldiers and her participation, if not her understanding for his need to cleanse himself, that helps keep him sane.


	3. Breaking Rank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 3: Distance

He was too far away, the distance between them seemed to only get larger the faster that Hanji sped towards him.

“Dammit Levi!” She screamed. Her own squad could be heard trailing behind her. Hanji knew she was going to be in a for a verbal ass reaming from Erwin for breaking rank in order to assist Levi’s squad, but there was no way she could leave him with a bunch of newbie’s and 20 titans of various sizes closing in on them.

“Squad Leader please! We should rejoin the others! We are going to get separated from the main group!” Moblit was doing his best to keep up with her, but his 3DMG skills were nowhere near hers or Levi’s.

“Take the rest of the squad and go back Moblit!” Hanji hollers back and continues on course. 

Although she can see the head of the 15m class Titan over the buildings just ahead on her right, she knows that she needs to clock more speed if she’s going to get there in time to help. 

Panic starts to creep up Hanji’s spine as she swings across the street and lands on the building across from her. Screaming is all she is hearing from up ahead; screaming and the slicing of blades. She’s panting as she runs, the 3DMG gear heavy on her hips and the cloak around her shoulders doing nothing but making her warmer as she pumps her legs faster and faster.

It’s too far, she’s not going to make it, Moblit has long since given up trying to catch up with her, finally taking her advice and turning back. As loyal as he is, even he can see suicide when it’s staring him in the face. Hanji will gladly go to her death with a smile on her face if it’s to avenge her fallen comrade. No, comrade is too light a word to describe Levi. He is so much more than that, but does he know? Hanji isn't sure. 

The fighting is just ahead now, and she launches herself off the building and swings herself through the streets. She comes upon a scene that is the stuff of nightmares for children tucked safely behind the walls. For her, it is her everyday life. Bodies, mangled and half eaten lay strewn about the streets and rooftops. Landing atop the structure closest to her, she takes advantage of her view.

Despite the amount of chaos and dead soldiers, there are surprisingly few Titans left, and she can see at least three green cloaks flying through the air continuing to slice away at those remaining. Catching a glimpse of dark hair and a short stature, she knows that Levi is still among the living. Hanji likes to think that if he was gone she would feel something in her gut...and she’s glad that she hasn't.

Propelling herself forward, she closes the distance between herself and the remaining Scouting Legion troops. There is a 10 metre class that seems to be wandering about aimlessly, looking for trouble to get into and, using the momentum of her swing, Hanji arcs up and slices the back of its neck as it ambles towards the fray.

There are still 5 or 6 titans left, and her hope rises at the fact that they've managed to kill so many. It’s all about dodging grabbing hands and avoiding gaping mouths after the first kill came easily. At some point she crosses paths with Levi mid-air, only to catch a glimpse of his face and the fury he is throwing at her in a single look. He’s mad that she came back for him, or mad that she didn’t think he could handle this...right now she’s not quite sure, but she hopes that she lives to find out.

As she lands on the roof after missing the killing blow on a 7 metre class, Hanji ducks behind a chimney in order to change out one of her broken blades. Suddenly, he is there beside her, shoving her sideways to make room for himself behind the chimney with her.

“Do I bother to ask why you’re the only one who came to our aid shitty glasses?” Levi questions calmly, not even looking at her, but rather darting his eyes to keep an eye out for an opening.

“Would it make you feel better to have an answer? I can try to think of one for later,” she tries to jest with him, but when he turns his face to look at her, she questions her own motives.

“Nevermind the explanations for now, just try not to die alright four eyes?”

“Aye Captain, I’ll do my best!” Hanji salutes him as she stands and runs from her position throwing herself off the roof and shooting her hooks into the back of the 7 metre class that was distracted by the newbie on the building across from them. Once her swords make their slice, Hanji is moving again, this time towards the opposite building to where she left Levi.

For the rest of the battle, they keep their distance from each other. That’s for the best Hanji thinks as she has probably really pissed him off this time. Once the group of Titans has been culled, what’s left of the squad regroups around their commanding officer, to get their orders. There are only two newbies left, and Hanji bows her head for a moment to remember her fallen comrades as Levi speaks.

“We need to regroup with the main force,” Levi states simply. “Everyone follows me and Hanji, and keeps their eyes open,” and with that, he is off at a run along the rooftops.

Taking a deep breath, Hanji and the remainder of Levi’s squad follow after him. Levi doesn’t speak to her for the rest of the trek back to rejoin Erwin and the main force. They reserve their gas and run along the roof’s for as much or as long as they can. It is nightfall when they reach the camp; the main force is holed up in an abandoned Inn.

“Captain Levi, Squad Leader Hanji, it’s good to see you both alive,” are the first words out of Erwin’s mouth. The next are not so sweet. “Squad Leader, I’ll be seeing you first thing in the morning for disciplinary action, and Captain, after that I’ll have your debriefing. Good night.” With that Erwin leaves them in their dishevelled states.

Turning to her left, Hanji goes to speak, “Levi, listen, I can explain...”

“Save it four eyes,” he interrupts and doesn't even look in her direction. “You disobeyed a direct order from your commanding officer and risked your life needlessly, my squad had the situation under control before you arrived.” His tone was cold and distant.

“I’m sorry you feel that way Levi,” she sighs. There will be no reasoning with him tonight, he is pushing her away, so let his anger be his company for now. “I’ll take my punishment from Erwin tomorrow morning, until then, I’m going to get some rest and let my own squad know I’m still alive.” Turning to walk away, she is stopped suddenly by a hand on her arm.

“Hanji,” Levi’s voice is laced with frustration and yet still restrained in tone. “I am not ungrateful for what you did, but it was beyond stupid, and if you think that for one moment I can even begin to forgive your actions, you are far stupider than I give you credit for.”

Pulling her arm out his grasp is not an easy thing, but Hanji jerks it out of his grip with as great a force as she can muster from her tired muscles. “Sulk about it if you want to, but I don’t regret my actions. If you think for one moment I’ll believe that you wouldn't come to my aid, you’re far more brainless than any Titan I've had the pleasure of studying.” Turning her back on him, she leaves him with his thoughts while she goes to find her squad and alleviate Moblit’s conscience.

Later that night, sitting against a wall, a candle next to her for light, Hanji writes of her day’s events in her journal. As she scribbles away, jotting down the details of the Titans that she killed and the tactics that she used, she sees a familiar shadow looming above her.

Without lifting her eyes from her notes, she smiles to herself and says “Done pouting Captain?” She knew that he had to come to vent and come to her on his own terms, but he always came eventually.

“Tch, you wish,” Levi states as he slumps down on the floor next to her, shoulder to shoulder. They sit in silence for a while, Hanji continuing to make her notes, Levi fidgeting next to her, picking at some invisible dirt on his sleeve while he waits for her to say something.

“I didn't think I’d make it you know,” Hanji whispers, turning her head to look at his profile.

“But you did,” Levi states simply. “And that’s all that matters in the end.” 

“I’m sorry for the loss of the majority of your squad,” Hanji puts her journal aside and takes his hand in her own.

“Hmmm...they were good soldiers, and they fought valiantly and that is all that can be asked of them. The ones that are left will fight smarter next time.” He turns his face to look into her eyes. He has a look that she in them that she can’t quite place. Swiftly, he swoops in and their lips are meeting in a kiss. Hanji is surprised by the sudden show of affection to say the least, but she welcomes it all the same. Levi’s normally cool and distant nature prevent such things from happening while they are out on missions, so she’ll take what she can get and when she can get it.

When the kiss ends as quickly as it started, Hanji is left open mouthed and staring as Levi pulls away. “Don’t let that go to your head while Erwin is scolding you tomorrow shitty glasses.”

Hanji smiles and slumps down the wall so she can lean her head against Levi’s shoulder. “Aye Captain, I’ll take my reprimand seriously.”

“Good,” Levi states as he settles his own head on top of hers.


	4. The Colour of Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 4: Green

“What’s your favourite colour Levi?” Hanji is laying in the grass on a blanket, stretched out and staring up at a blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds. They had a day off from their duties and decided to use it by relaxing in a meadow not far from headquarters.

“Why in the fuck do you care?” Is Levi’s response.

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” Hanji rolls over to face him on the blanket. A light breeze comes by to ruffle their hair and caress their heated skin. They are dressed casually, Hanji in brown pants and a loose yellow shirt, Levi in black pants and a white dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up, no cravat. His eyes are closed as he lies on his back, sun warming his face.

“It’s black. Happy now that you know?” Levi lolls his head to look at her as she lies next to him.

“Black is a shade, not a colour.” Hanji has disappointment in his colour choice written all over her face.

“Whatever shitty-glasses, now tell me yours,” Levi deflects hoping she’ll go off on her own tangent.

Sighing, she flops onto her back again, and starts to pick at the buttons on her shirt. “My favourite colour is green.” 

Levi waits a few seconds, and when no elaboration comes, he stretches out his hand to stop her picking. “Why green?” He asks, now feeling bad that he’s deflated her enthusiasm on a day off they were trying to enjoy.

A small smile begins to turn up the corners of Hanji’s mouth as she laces her fingers through his own. “Because I love that it represents life and growth. I love how it is the colour of my favourite thing, grass. I like how tranquil it makes me feel when I’m surrounded by it. I love it because it represents hope, because it is the colour of the hope of humanity. And also because you were wearing it the day you asked me to be your wife.”

Levi is staring at her intently now, like she has just revealed the most wonderful part of herself and it is so beautiful that he is equal parts stunned and mesmerized. Releasing her hand, Levi moves quickly to roll over and straddle Hanji’s hips. Startled, her mouth is forming an ‘O’ as he brings his lips down over hers.

The kiss is not soft, but not forceful either. Levi is hardly ever gentle, but his mouth is one of the most pliable parts of him and Hanji loves that about him. He takes her bottom lip between his two and sucks greedily on it as his hands move to cup her face. Hanji returns the sentiments by running her tongue along his top lip and rubbing her hands along his thighs. Soon, the kiss is becoming heated, and tongues can be found tangling with each other, dueling for dominance; hips can be felt undulating, intimate parts grinding against each other for relief. Levi is letting his hands wander, groping her breasts through her shirt, and Hanji can feel it starting to creep up her mid section, baring her flesh to the fresh air.

A sharp whistle in the background alerts them both to the fact that they are not alone. Sitting up, Levi spots Mike and Nannaba 10 metres away and approaching quickly. 

“I forgot we invited them to join us,” Hanji is panting underneath Levi as she tilts her head back to see the approaching couple.

“Tch, and just when the conversation was getting interesting,” Levi cracks the smallest smile as he extricates himself from his position on top of her.

Pulling her shirt down, Hanji begins fixing the buttons on her shirt; not really sure how they came undone, she sits up and faces Levi. “Remind me to continue my descriptive narrative on the colour green when we get back to the room tonight.”

“Mmmm,” Levi hums as he swoops in quickly for another quick but searing kiss. “And maybe you can wear my favourite colour while you do it.” The look on Hanji’s face tells Levi that he may just get his wish.

“You know this is a public meadow right?” Mike jibes them once he is in earshot. Nannaba is elbowing him in the side as soon as the words escape his mouth.

Scooting closer to Hanji and making room on the blanket for their companions, Levi shoots a glare in Mike’s general direction. “Jealous?” Levi intones.

“Please, we took care of business before we came out to meet you,” Mike is sniffing the air as he sits down.

“Mike!” Nannaba is blushing and horrified at the same time.

“Don’t worry,” Hanji soothes the offended woman with a pat on the arm. “We’ve almost gotten caught in public before, nothing we’re not used to.”

“Hanji!” Now it’s Levi’s turn to be horrified as he buries his face in his hands.

“What?” Hanji smiles as they all try awkwardly not to look directly at one another.


	5. Fears for the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 5: Fears

The glass of the mirror is fogged up from the heat of the shower. Using her hand, Hanji wipes a clean space and stares at her reflection. What she sees is a tired version of herself. Dark circles are extremely prevalent under her eyes; her hair is wet from the shower and hanging around her face, which looks strained and exhausted. Leaning against the sink, she turns on the tap and begins to brush her teeth.

Exiting the bathroom, she enters her quarters. The bed is unmade, her clothes strewn over the chair of her desk. Papers litter the top of her writing table and floor surrounding it. Books are piled everywhere; on the one bookshelf she has, on the nightstand, on the floors, some are even propping up the broken leg of her bed. How is it that she can be so smart and know so much, but was stupid enough to get herself into this situation? Sitting down on the edge of her bed, Hanji begins to pull on her clothes.

They had been so careful...or at least they thought they had been. There had been a few scares before, but it had turned out to be nothing but lateness due to malnutrition or irregular sleep or stress. Her cycle had been sporadic at best her whole life. Her own mother had difficult conceiving Zoe, and was well into her late thirties before she was able to get pregnant. She was kind of afraid that she wouldn’t be able to reproduce at all, but apparently, her fears were unfounded.

When her monthly visitor hadn’t shown up, Hanji hadn’t panicked. In fact, she distinctly remembers thinking that she had lucked out for another month. When she started throwing up on a regular basis, however, she became concerned. When every smell, even ones that had never bothered her before, or even the sight of food made her nauseous she decided it was probably time to check in with the Scouting Legion’s physician.

The news of her pregnancy hit her like a Titan fist to the gut. The physician advised her that she should inform Commander Erwin post haste as by the end of the first trimester she should probably come off of active duties and stick to her research. Hanji remembers nodding her head in agreement and leaving the office quietly. 

There were other options available for unwanted/unexpected pregnancies, which she should consider since she was technically on contract to the military. But accidents happen, and the Scouting Legion was no exception. She knew that she would be allowed to continue her missions until the end of her first trimester, but that once she was showing she wouldn’t be allowed outside the walls any longer until her pregnancy was over. Although the military paid decently, it wasn’t a lot to rely on, but if you did find yourself in Hanji’s situation, there were homes that would take your child in while you were away on missions. Sometimes, if you were married, they wouldn’t send spouse’s squads out beyond the walls simultaneously so that one parent would always be at home.

While those thoughts at least were comforting, the first thoughts to run through Hanji’s head were how much she could research while not being on active duty. The thought of being outside the walls while carrying such precious cargo until the end of her 3 months started to weigh on her mind. She might not be showing, but there was still a life growing inside of her. A life that she had had help to create. This child was not just her responsibility, but also the responsibility of the father. And if he knew that she was pregnant, she knew her fears would be amplified by his constant worry. 

Sitting on her bed, now fully dressed, Hanji looks around her filthy room and rubs her abdomen absent mindedly. This room was not fit for a child...it’s filthy, it’s messy, it’s filled with death traps and hazards galore. But even worse than this room, this world is filled with Titans. Giant man eating monsters. How can one be so irresponsible as to bring a child into such a cruel and dangerous world? Oh no, panic was starting to set in, she needed to move, to get up and get out of quarters. She also had to figure out how to tell Levi. She feared telling him...but not as much as she feared him finding out from someone else.

Walking down the corridors of the officers barracks, she debates who to go to first. Erwin would be easier to tell, and then maybe she could use him as backup, but if Levi finds out that she told him first, he’d probably be even angrier. Stopping at the end of the hall, she has to choose...go up to see Levi, go down to see Erwin. Her feet begin to climb the staircase.

Standing outside his door, something she has done a million times, Hanji is having a difficult time bringing herself to knock. Shuffling her feet, she has lost her nerve and is turning around when the door swings open. Levi is standing there looking at her curiously. He has his dress shirt on, but it’s open, his undershirt underneath revealed. His hair is also wet from the shower, but he looks much better rested than she does. He looks somewhat surprised to see her hovering outside of his door. When he sees the look on her face though, he doesn’t bother with any snarky comments or witty repartee. He just waves her inside before she can change her mind and run.

Silently, she walks through the door, and hovers in the middle of the room, not really sure what to do with herself. She’s wringing her hands, an obvious sign of her discomfort and distress which does not go unnoticed by Levi. He looks puzzled though, since he doesn’t know what’s bothering her, and he hasn’t seen her for days. She has kept her distance since visiting the doctor and confirming her suspicions.

“I have something I need to tell you,” she starts, but can’t bring herself to look him in the eye. “It’s important, and I’ll tell you right now that it’s not a joke, I’m being completely serious,” she moves over to sit on the bed, she can’t stand anymore, her legs feel too weak.

Levi remains silent, but he’s looking at her more questioningly than before. He moves to stand in front of her and then asks, “Should I be sitting down for this?”  
Hanji nods and he takes a seat beside her on the bed. He doesn’t make a move to touch her though, and she’s thankful of his perceptiveness that she needs to get through this on her own.

“I’m late,” she states. “And I know that is not unusual. I’m always late, and in some cases my cycle doesn’t come at all. Unfortunately, I also feel like a sack of dirt. Exhausted in fact. I’ve been throwing up at random parts of the day, unable to handle the weirdest smells or even look at some food at all. I went to the physician to make sure, and it’s confirmed...I’m pregnant.”

The silence in the room is deafening. Hanji starts to rub her sweaty palms up and down her thighs trying to wipe them off on her pants. She still hasn’t been able to bring her eyes to look at him, but she’s kind of surprised there isn’t any yelling yet.

“Are you going to keep it?” He asks. Simple question really. But not really what she was expecting. 

Bringing her gaze up to meet his finally, she sees the worry in his own stare looking back at her. His usual cold as ice glare now filled with concern and maybe even the tiniest bit of fear?

“I want to,” she breathes out. “I didn’t think I could get pregnant with my family history, and I really want to have children, but not like this...” she says.

“Not like what?” He seems offended, like she has told him she doesn’t want his baby.

“Not with Titans outside the walls waiting to devour people. Not being in the military trying to save humanity. I don’t want to be the mother, who never comes home, or doesn’t see my child grow up or get married, or become smarter than me. What kind of life can we offer a child in the circumstances that we’re in right now?” She asks him genuinely. Does he have the answer to quell her fears?

Sighing loudly, Levi rubs a hand down his face and takes a deep breath. Looking straight into her eyes, he speaks again: “Hanji, no one in this life has children without those concerns. We live in a shitty world, agreed. But the human race has to survive, that’s why we’re fighting. To be here, to overcome what’s outside those walls. The Scouting Legion can’t do that without you, but it will survive even if you have to stay inside the walls. Having a baby is not the end of the world. And it can give you a reason to fight harder, to work harder, and to know that you have to come home.”

Levi takes her hands in his and brings them to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “Do you want this baby?” His question is sincere.

Of course she does she thinks to herself. “I really want this baby,” she brings her forehead to meet his and closes her eyes. “More than anything I want your baby.”

She hears the sharp intake of his breath, and then feels his arms wrapping around her midsection. She brings her own to envelop his shoulders. They sit there embracing for what feels like a lifetime, but is really only a few minutes. Levi’s face is buried in the crook of her neck, and he is placing kisses up the tanned column until her reaches her ear.

“Marry me,” he whispers.

“Levi...” Hanji hesitates. She came here in fear of what he would say, of how he would yell at her for being so stupid, and he has done none of those things. He seems happy, he wants this baby too, but he shouldn’t feel obligated to be tied to her in marriage for the rest of their life if he only feels responsibility towards his child.

“Don’t be afraid Zoe,” he leans back from her to look into her eyes. “I was going to ask you anyways. I’m not sure when, but I was. You can ask Erwin if you don’t believe me, he’s got the ring locked in his safe. Why is now not a good time? You’re going to have our child, and at least this way we can get a house off the base and be a family.”

Shaking her head at how much thought he has already put into this, Hanji can feel some her fears being alleviated. She wouldn’t have to do this alone. Levi is not angry, he’s happy (in his own reserved way) and he wants to be a family. This is such good news. But the Titans and her research are still looming in her mind.

“I don’t know how I’m going to tolerate having to stay here when you go on missions and leave me behind. Obviously I know that I can’t very well wander into Titan territory carrying our child, but the not knowing if you’re safe is going to kill me.” She buries her face in Levi’s shoulder, clutching him tightly.

Levi strokes her back, up and down, a soothing motion. “Tch, you know there are no guarantees I can make you Zoe, but knowing that you are here, with our baby will make me fight that much harder to make it home, I can promise you that.” 

Breathing deeply, Hanji hugs Levi tightly to her body. The clean smell of his skin and the warmth of his embrace is so relaxing, she could stay like this forever. Eventually though, she lifts her head and disentangles herself from Levi, standing up from her seat on the bed. Looking around his room, she notices how much cleaner it is than her own. Everything has a place, and is in it. Too bad he won’t be the one staying at home; he seems much better suited to it than she does. But he’ll help her, and that will be enough.

“Ok, well I guess I should go and tell Erwin about this situation then,” Hanji turns and starts to head towards the door. She is halted before she can put her hand on the handle.

“And what about your answer to my question Zoe?” Levi is directly behind her, hands on her hips preventing her from leaving. She can feel his fingers pressing into her as he holds her in place; feel the warmth of his body as he moves closer to her. “You didn’t think I’d let you get away without your reply did you?” He’s whispering now, and she can feel his breath on the back of her neck.

“You know the answer Levi,” Hanji is baiting him now. She knows he wants to hear one little word, but she’s feeling better after speaking with him and feels some of her playfulness come back into her voice.

“But I want to hear the answer,” he purrs into her neck.

Now Hanji is squirming, and she can feel his hands sliding up and around the front of her abdomen, slowly inching their way up to her breasts. As soon as he takes two handfuls, Hanji lets out a screech. “Oh sweet wall Maria that hurts!” Taken aback by her sudden holler, Levi let’s her go and steps back.

Taking deep cleansing breaths, Hanji turns around with her arms around her chest. “Sorry to ruin the moment shorty, but these tatas are sensitive right now...” Hanji forces a smile to her face and approaches Levi once again, draping her arms over his shoulders. She presses a kiss against his forehead before leaning down and taking his left earlobe between her lips. Nibbling for a moment she stops to whisper “The answer is yes,” before she releases him and heads out the door, leaving him with a half smirk on his face.

Knocking on Commander Erwin’s door is considerably easier to do once she has spoken with Levi. Although her fears are still present in her mind, Levi has done a good job at setting her mind at ease. It’s true that many people have not seen what they have beyond the walls, but that can’t stop them from living life. While she knows that they will have difficulties to face, she also knows they will be doing it together...as a family.


	6. Firsts...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just trying to get back into writing...hopefully this firsts fic is ok.  
> I just really want to try finishing up these prompts from so long ago...I'm failing at life.

Hanji would never forget any of their firsts…As scatterbrained as people assumed her to be, she recorded everything for posterity. Her journals were purposely written in such chicken scratch that no one could read them but her, unless of course the person knew what it was they were trying to decipher…like Moblit. He had an uncanny ability to understand her bizarre markings on paper, and would constantly harass her to let him rewrite the important documentation that pertained to their research so that others may one day understand it. Fortunately, her personal diaries and her scientific journals were kept as separate as possible, and he only ever had access to her scientific ramblings.

In the floorboards of her room were hidden probably a dozen journals filled with personal memories of all the people she had ever encountered. One day, she planned on writing a memoir where she would immortalize all of the people who had touched her life in some way…the most important person of course, being Levi. Although they both agreed to deny it for now, their relationship was special and sacred.

Hanji thinks the most important first that they ever experienced together though, was most definitely the first time that she comforted him through the loss of two team members under his care. 

Levi had resented the chain of command from the first time he entered the military, but Erwin knew that it was important to his growth that he take on the responsibility of a squad leader. Not only was he physically capable, but both Hanji and Erwin knew that Levi was meant to lead. It had taken some convincing from his superiors, but Levi had eventually relented.

The expedition was supposed to be simple. This was one of the routine patrols that had happened even before Hanji was allowed to bring back test subjects from their expeditions. For the most part, the whole thing should have been very predictable.

It was an unfortunate miscalculation on the Scout’s part that Levi’s team stumbled upon a group of dormant Titans that were camouflaged by a large outcropping. As Levi’s team rounded the corner, they had burst to life and ambushed the unsuspecting recruits. It was really not anyone’s fault, and surprisingly, Levi only lost two members of his squad. Given the circumstances, the loss could have been far greater, but Levi’s quick thinking had his whole team responding instantaneously and loss of life was very limited considering.

Hanji knew that he would not take the losses lightly though, especially with his general admonition of these expeditions due to the high value he put on human life. Wanting to be the good friend and understanding fellow squad leader, her visit to his quarters that night brought on a few firsts for them.

This would be the first and only time Hanji saw the amount of destruction Levi could wreak on such a small space. Normally Levi liked his room clean and tidy, but the fact that Hanji knocked and entered into a room that had descended into a chaos that rivalled that of her lab surprised her greatly. The desk was overturned, papers and ink were spread across the floor in front it. The bed sheets were rumpled, pillows and sheets hanging over the sides. The chair for the desk was also overturned and lay on the other side of the room with one of the legs missing. There was even a hole in the window…caused by what Hanji wasn’t too sure.

In the middle of it all stood Levi; breathing heavily, cuts and splinters evident on his hands. His stare was blank and his hair and attire was mussed and crumpled. At some point his cravat had been discarded and lay somewhere amongst the carnage of his room, shirt hanging open Hanji could see the evidence of his exertion as the sweat beaded off of him.

Hanji didn’t question him at all. She’d been through this before, since she’d been a squad leader for longer than he had been. The only thing she could do for him was take him to the washroom and clean his hands, slowly picking out each and every splinter to prevent infection. When she was done, she bandaged his hands and wiped the sweat from his brow with a fresh wash cloth. Hanji would always remember the look on his face as she took care of him. Gratitude? If she had to describe it with a word, that would be it, but his eyes were filled with so much emotion it was hard to pinpoint what exactly he was filled with at that point. 

Surprising both herself and him, Hanji hugged Levi to her breast. She held him tightly, stroking through his now tangled and damp hair. There were no words spoken, she just offered him comfort the only way she knew how…physical contact. Even more surprisingly, Levi let himself be comforted. He wrapped his arms around Hanji’s middle and buried his face in her chest and took all that she offered. 

Before that point, she and Levi had been dancing around the prospect of being together. When he wasn’t a squad leader, it had seemed inappropriate, but now that he had been promoted and she spent more time in the lab and less time training, it seemed like they may finally progress towards something more than just comrades.

When looking back, it was this first, the first time that she offered him true comfort in the face of his losses that would be the turning point in their relationship. It was this moment that brought them together as more than squad leaders, more than comrades, more than even would be lovers. They were human together, in a world of craziness that never seemed to allow them to have any sanity for themselves.

That night they would share their first kiss; embarrassing because neither of them had kissed anyone in so long that it was all teeth and no finesse. Their first sexual encounter; brief and hurried because they didn’t want to be caught by any of the trainees since they were still in the washroom. Their first night together; because after they had exerted themselves, they made it back to Levi’s room and crawled into his messy sheets to let sleep take them. Which led to their first morning; with Hanji waking up to Levi wrapped in her arms and drooling slightly on her shoulder, which he would deny until his dying day.

It was a tragedy that led them to many of their firsts, but Hanji never looked at it that way. Later on, she recorded the whole night for posterity in her journal, reliving the pain that had opened the door to great joy in her life. It was a hope of hers that someday she would be writing their story after the defeat of the Titans, and those memories and those firsts would truly be firsts worthy of remembering.


End file.
